He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
