At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
whose parrot is this?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
