Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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