I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
