fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If that was your dad, he is hot
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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