We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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