no, he came in my armpit
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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