...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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