the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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