saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
