My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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