im about as happy as oj after his trial
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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