My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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