I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
