I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
