She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
