some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
