So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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