thus making me awesome and them whores
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
