Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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