There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
