Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
