She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
