I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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