Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
4 words: hood of his car
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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