angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
