Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
