When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
