Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
