When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I forgot how hot balto sounded
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
