My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
