It's like God shit irony all over that family
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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