I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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