i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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