I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
