i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
