i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
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drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him