I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When did angry sex become our thing?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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