If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.