My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.