You're my little dorito
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.