I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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