Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
