I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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