I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
