I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
