i would punch a child for taco bell
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
