Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We left the knife in your bed.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
