I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
