The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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