Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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