Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
