i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
