then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
