so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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