Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
