I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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