Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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