he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
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just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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