Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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