rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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