I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
