Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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