You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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