Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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