u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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