apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
