Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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