some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
