we have pet lesbian snakes
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
