we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
