where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
