i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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